Thrown Back
by Shadow of the Forgotten Ones
Summary: Eru does not like being made to be peacemaker for the Valar. They're grown up for goodness sake. But Aule and Yavanna are fighting and it's making him angry. So he teaches them a lesson. Wipes their memories and forces them to live as mortals.
1. So It Begins

**AN: **I **hope you like this alkjira**

**The idea thing I chose from her Stories I'm Not Really Writing Or: The Ideas Won't Leave Me Alone!**  
**Mahal and Yavanna are born as Thorin and Bilbo. They pissed Eru off and now they're punished by living like mortals for a lifetime. Eru hadn't intended for them to find each other but go figure.**  
**Bungo and Belladonna could not actually get children together, hence Bilbo being an only child (without Eru meddling there'd been no kids at all)**

**And Mahal/Thorin ends up in the line of Durin because of reasons. Depending on how big of an arse you think Eru is it's possible he knew that Smaug was coming and wanted to teach Mahal a lesson about something related to that.**

**Maybe they remember who they were, maybe not, maybe they regain their memories after a while.**

* * *

Eru was not a happy camper. One would think that as a being who _sang_ life into the world he'd be a very happy person. But no. He was very grumpy and that was mainly because of two of his children, who may or may not actually be his children. Manwe stares up at him, pleading with out words as the shouting becomes louder and louder. Ah yes, the honeymoon phase has finally ended for Yavanna and Mahal.

"Please, please make it stop. Not even _Irmo_ can get any sleep."

He was not supposed to be playing peacemaker to the Valar and especially not a marriage counselor!

"_Begone you harpy. I hold no love for you!"_

"_You hold love for nothing. If you did you would do something about their prayers."_

"_Like __**you **__did with the Ents? You heard their cries and yet you did nothing. My race is meant to survive. Yours are not. So is it really I who is heartless?"_

Eru stands anger in his veins. Had Aule not heard his wife's screams as the fires licked her own skin? Had he not heard her singing, trying to create something to keep the Wives and Entlings from dying?

"_Yes, yes you are the heartless one. There are days where I wish Eru never gave you your Dwarrows for you do nothing to help them. They were better off as useless bit of stone!"_

And so Aule is not the only one who shall be punished for that was a low blow as well.

"_**ENOUGH! I grow tired of hearing you bicker. What happened to that sickly sweet couple that caused the others to smile or gag because of the love? I have had enough!"**_ Eru roars his voice echoing. He points to Aule and starts to chant. He sees something flash in Yavanna's eyes right before she steps in front of her husband and his spell completes. Eru grumbles slightly and alters his spell just slightly. He would not be letting her off lightly because she sacrificed herself. Aule's face is slightly priceless when his wife disappears and Eru says another spell.

Those two shall be forced to live as mortals, growing, breathing, perhaps even loving. At first he had planned to make Aule suffer by making him be a Hobbit, weak in body and Elf like in appearance something that is sure to rub Aule wrong. He doesn't have the Dwarrows hate for Elves but he is still slightly bitter. But alas, Yavanna shall be born to a family who would otherwise never have any other children much later. And Aule would be born into a family… Maybe a Durin. They are Kings and will be a perfect way to teach Aule to love more than himself. He shall be born first and they shall be without their memories, having an immortal amount of memories plus their new memories will be too much. Although they could slowly get them back… Nah.

With that done he looks back at Manwe.

"_**Are you happy?"**_

Now he will have peace.


	2. Even Eru Can Make An Oops

**Chapter Summary: And so Mahal is born!**

* * *

Ambrdeth pants softly the contractions hitting her hard. Oh she is going to kill Thrain when he finally get here! The midwife is smiling knowingly as she goes about her business. Finally her husband enters the room, his brown hair messy he latches onto her hand.

"I'm sorry I'm late… Father…"

"It's alright….. You're here…. now," she gasps softly. Her brown eyes scrunch up on pain. The labor is long and intensive. When it all said and done they have a son to dote upon. The little one already has a tuft of his mother's black hair and his father's blue eyes. She smiles up at Thrain.

"He's perfect."

"He is. What do you want to name him?"

"Thorin."

"Thorin it is then."

And so the Line of Durin gained a new member and Eru's punishment begins. Though it doesn't go the way he meant it to. The line of Durin gains two more to their line and a Dragon rages on the mountain. Ambrdeth dies a painful death in front of her children as a flaming beam crashes down onto her. Her sons scream their pain out and her daughter cries when her oldest brother forces them to move. To run out of the only home they know. They see the Elven Lord on his Elk on the ridge just watching their pain. He does nothing to help them and Thorin closes off a piece of his heart. Why should he love a race who shows no love to his? Men slowly get closed out of his heart as well, they look down on his people. Weak from his grandfather's mad hope to reclaim Moria. He loses his grandfather, his father and almost his brother. It's a miracle that Frerin doesn't die on that battlefield. Some other worldly power saves his brother though he will never be the same. But Thorin takes it as he leads his people. People who whisper that he must be Durin reborn or maybe even Mahal himself. The Halflings, weak, useless things that they are send food to them as they make a new home in the Blue Mountains. It helps and while he still thinks little of them he doesn't hate them as he does the others.

He dreams of taking back Erebor but knows it's too soon. Instead he'll keep an eye on this miner that seems a bit too keen on his sister and help his little brother learn to move without his sight.

"_Este….."_

"_What? We may have wanted the fighting to stop but…. That is too much loss… I…. I had to do something."_

"_Eru won't be pleased."_

"_Eru can kiss my tooshie."_

* * *

**AN: ****Sorry I suck at birthing scenes. This chapter and the one that will follow are kinda filler. Getting them born and their fellow Valar helping in small ways. I'm not sure where I shall go after those but I'll think of something ^^**


	3. Meddlers All Of Them

**Chapter Summary: ****Yavanna graces the world.**

* * *

Some years after the Dwarrows of Erebor make a temporary home in the Blue Mountains a very Respectable Hobbit lad paces the hallway before the master bedroom. His wife is in there, he can hear her screams and wants to comfort her but the midwife explained it was best for him to wait. After so many failed attempts they will have a child to dote upon. he doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl he just wants to see his Bella smile like the other mothers he sees. Like his sister-in-law smiles when she holds her son. Soon the screams of his wife tamper out and are replaced with the cries of a child. The midwife opens the door and lets him in.

"We have a son," Belladonna breathes out softly. She's so tired and wants to rest.

"He's handsome… A nice Bilbo don't you think?" Bungo asks as he takes the child from his sleepy wife. She hums her approval and falls asleep. Bilbo has her eyes, a hazel that settles on blue more oft than not, and his hair though he has a feeling it will lighten up. Took blood runs through his veins after all. Though Belladonna's hair darkened instead of lightening. The midwife pulls him aside.

"She can't have anymore children Bungo. Bella almost died delivering him."

There is a slight pain in his heart but Bella, his true Heart, means so much more to him than more children. He glances fondly at his wife, so many had scoffed when he said he would marry her. She's a Took after all. With a small kiss to Bilbo's head

"May you have your mother's spirit but my sensibility so you won't get caught up in Gandalf's schemes."

Time flies quicker for Hobbits than it does for Dwarrows and soon Little Bilibo is walking and talking. There were things that made Bilbo stand out amongst his peers but it is quickly swept aside because of his heritage. Took covers everything odd. Being an only child in a Hobbit family is hard so Bilbo makes tight connections with anyone he can, his cousin Otho and a Bracegirdle, Lobelia and even a young Gamgee, Hamfast. These ties prove vital latter during Fell Winter.

It's a cold time and food is scarce. His father dies during the winter, wolves nasty evil things that end lives. Bilbo gains scars because of them but doesn't die as so many other do. At the end his cousin and Lobelia are orphans, Belladonna opens her home to them, and they become even closer. She expects their dreams to be plagued by nightmares. They aren't and she's relieved. She won't live long, not without Bungo but she holds on. Otho is two years older than Bilbo and reaches majority first. He swears to watch over Bilbo, who did _not_ get his father's sensibility and had a habit of not thinking before he tried to help. Knowing her son won't be alone she goes to sleep for the last time.

"_Why are you looking at me like that?"_

"_You meddled."_

"_Not as bad as you did, wife dearest. Besides Tulkas did more!"_

"_Uh huh."_

"_He taught the Hobbits to fight. I have to agree with you Love. Eru can kiss my…. He's right behind me isn't he?"_

* * *

**AN: ****I like meddling Valar. I can see them being really bored and going: 'Oh hey that one is cute I'm going to help that one... and call him George cause I can'**


	4. An Interlude

"_Looks like a grocer? Well he kept his tact didn't he?"_

"_Like you have room to talk Tulkas."_

"_Hush I'm trying to hear!"_

"_Well that went well."_

"_No need to be sarcastic Nessa."_

"_I bet five meetings with Eru that 'Vanna and the Dwarf that made her faint are going to be best friends."_

"_Yeah well I bet you seven that she doesn't even go Neinna."_

"_SSSSHHHH!"_

* * *

"_Ha! He went!"_

"_Damn it."_

"_Oh look the Eyes have returned."_

"_What! Really?"_

"_When do you think they'll get together?"_

"_More like when do you think they'll kill each other."_

"_**What is going on?"**_

"_NOTHING!"_


	5. To Roast Or Toast

**Chapter Summary: ****The Troll chapter! I mixed in a bit of book with movie and my own special twist. Hope you like it!**

* * *

It went without saying that Hobbits are not made to go on adventures. Maybe they once were, when they lived closer to the mountains and were a wondering people but now they most certainly are not meant for it. Bilbo huffs, his stomach is hurting from the lack of seven meals a day and the long sessions of writing. He can just hear Otho's sarcastic but worried nagging in his head.

"_That's what you get you Took. Rushing off without thinking, without packing…."_

He even hears the part that Lobelia would say with a gleeful laugh because she is sadistic at times.

"_And without your hankie."_

Yes he had not thought this through, he barely remembered to leave a note to let his cousin know where he went. Around him the land offers him comfort and he's glad that he at least has that. The trees are singing happily, the week worth of rain made them very happy, while the grass moaned playfully about the fact the pony's were trotting and eating it. The Dwarrows aren't the nicest but he understands. He's not only an outsider but he's strange even for his own people.

They've stopped for the day, even though Gandalf hadn't been too pleased with it yelling and storming off. The trees hadn't been too impressed with it. Calling it a tantrum and shaking their leaves at the wizard. One had even raised it's roots to trip the gray wizard which made him snort. The trees weren't too impressed with Thorin though either, didn't like him at all would be a better way of putting it.

"Bilbo? What's got you smiling like a loon?"

Bilbo jumps, he hadn't Bofur come up. He smiles slightly but doesn't say anything. Hearing the land talk isn't something Hobbits can do. Oh yes they have a deep connection to it, they know when it has magic or is sick but they can't _hear_ it like he can. He can only imagine what the Dwarrows would think if they knew.

"Just thinking," he says and Bofur grins.

"Mind sharing? Can alway use new material."

Bilbo chuckles and he follows Bofur to where his family is. Bombur is preparing the food for diner. Quickly he recalls a funny memory.

"Once when I was a small faunt a few friends and I went camping. It rained, nothing like the past week but hard enough to make four faunts miserable. We were hungry and cold but we didn't want to go home. So my cousin Otho, being the oldest, declared that he would find us shelter and food. He comes back covered in scratches and carrying mushrooms and a few other plants. Apparently he found a place that would have been good if it wasn't already occupied and some food…. Only the plants he had thought were edible was Poison Ivy."

Bofur chuckles and winces at the same time.

"Needless to say we crept home with our tails between our legs. The combined lectures of sneaking out, being out after dark in the forest and then playing with fauna we couldn't see was worth seeing Otho walk around for a few days covered in his mother's' pink itching remedy."

Those close enough to hear his tale laugh softly and feeling brave he starts off on another one of the funnier tales of his childhood. This goes on until it's dark and the food is being passed around. The look on Ori's face as he listened helped Bilbo ignore the glare he received from Thorin. Bofur taps his shoulder.

"Take these to the boys?"

He takes the bowls with a grin and nods his head. As he leaves the campsite he notices how quiet the forest is. When the Dwarrows are all together it is hard to hear the land but this is different. The trees are mourning, the grass is scared and the very ground itself is groaning. He's already pensive as he walks up to the troublesome duo and the intense gaze they are gifting the ponies just amps it up.

"What's the matter?" he asks softly. The boys jump and exchange a glance he's seen his Took and Brandybuck cousins give each other when they try to figure out a way to get out of trouble.

"We're supposed to be looking out for the ponies..."

"Only we've encountered a slight problem."

"We had sixteen..."

"Now there's fourteen."

Bilbo resists the urge to smack them both on the back of their heads as they talk as twins do. He gazes at the ponies, Daisy and Bungo are gone. It had taken him a while to get used to a _pony_ having his fathers name too. He opens his mouth to scold the boys when the trees cry out their warning and he pulls the both down, the bushes growing to cover them. The looks on Fili and Kili's faces would have made him smile if a TROLL hadn't walked past him with two of their ponies tucked under it's giant arms. How on earth had he, had they not heard it walking about!? As soon as the troll is gone the bushes recede and Bilbo stands up to follow the troll. It had Myrtle! His Myrtle, the only pony he had gotten attached to. The boys follow him quietly and they come to the edge of the troll's camp, to find that there are three trolls. Bilbo gulps, his determination to save Myrtle damping slightly. The boys put their hands on his shoulders.

"You could easily get them free."

"What!"

"They're big and stupid and you're small and smart plus you have that cool plant thing."

"We'd be right here behind you!"

"And if you do get in trouble just hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a screech owl."

And they push him out, happily taking the bowls from his hands. If he wasn't so glad that they, as the youngest of the company even if Ori looks younger, weren't going to be charging ahead he would have turn around to give them a piece of his mind. Hooting like an owl indeed! Instead he slowly creeps up to the pin holding the ponies. While he may not be made to adventure he had lived through the Fell Winter and knew it was always best to keep a knife on hand however his poor knife couldn't do anything to the thick ropes tying the pin shut. Looking up at the trolls he grimaces at the conversation and the terrible lack of good table manners, the mutton and the soup just smelled terrible and it's just plain gross to wipe one's nose on their sleeve. Mustering up his courage, courage that had been sleeping since his mother had died in her sleep some years ago, he sneaks up to a very sneezing sounding troll to take the large knife tucked in his belt.

Unfortunately for Bilbo, trolls have a magic of their own that manifests on their purses and the other belongings on their belt. So when he finally got the knife unhooked the purse spoke startling him and gaining the trolls attention.

"'Ere, 'oo are you?" it squeaked right before he was grabbed. And just because his luck seemed to have soured the troll sneezed once it had him up to eye level. The trees winced in sympathy as Bilbo makes a gagging sound.

"Blimey, Bert, look what I've copped!" the troll, William not that Bilbo knew or cared, exclaimed. The other two trolls lean in to look at Bilbo.

"What is it?" Bert mutters poking Bilbo in the stomach. Bilbo grunts.

"A bit of this and a bit of that," he wheezes and the trolls frown.

"Can we eat him?" William asks and Bert tilts his head.

"He's not even a mouth full."

"Maybe there are more of 'im. Well are there?" Tom, the last troll asks gruffly.

"Lots but at the same time none at all," Bilbo says trying to stall for time.

"What's tha mean?"

And before Bilbo can come up with a plan Kili rushes in. If he wasn't held up my a bruising hand he would have smacked his own forehead.

"Drop him."

The aftermath of that is painful and Bilbo would really like to forget it ever happened. Having his arms be nearly ripped off and so sure that Thorin would let the trolls do it was on the very top of his 'Never again' list as is being stuffed into sacks.

"We should just eat them raw," Tom says glancing up at the sky.

"Nonsense," says Bert, the apparent cook as he twists the spit that holds many of the Dwarrows "We're roasting them."

"How about squashing them into jam for toast?" William asks like a puppy. Bert smacks him upside his head and William pouts.

"Just saying they'd make a good breakfast…."

"I wish we had some sage…."

"Sage and breakfast won't be a problem if we don't urry up," Tom grumbles and Bilbo has an idea. Not the greatest but it gets them distracted as does the voice that helps him out. After the trolls are turned to stone and Gandalf, the voice who helped his ploy, helps gets them out of the sacks and off the spit he wants to collapse. Thorin stalks up to Gandalf.

"Where were you?"

"Looking ahead."

"Why'd you come back?"

"Looking behind."

The trees mutter at the childish reply and tell Bilbo that he went to the Elves, to Rivendell and that he sound something and that is why it took even longer.

"And it's a good thing I did. Bilbo may have been helping you but a certain someone…" Gandalf trails off and out steps a sheepish looking blond Dwarf. He's handsome, Bilbo admits not as handsome as a certain grumpy and unreachable king but still handsome. He shares feature with Thorin and Fili, even has Kili's nose but his blue eyes are cloudy. Thorin groans, startling Bilbo who has never heard Thorin be anything but majestic.

"Frerin!"

"_Alright who helped?"_

"_Ulmo made it rain!"_

"_Wow, Tulkas just toss me under the stampede," Ulmo grumps glaring at Tulkas who looks unrepentant "Besides Thorin was supposed to be kingly and offer Bilbo his extra oilskin but the prat was well.. a prat."_

"_Who helped Frenin get to them safely? Oromë? Irmo?"_

"_Not us!"_

"_Nessa?"_

"_What? He was very sad that he was left behind! I like him. He's sweet and likes to dance. Besides Thorin taught him well! He doesn't need his sight."_

"_Not to mention you thought his teasing flirting was cute," Vána_ _whispers playfully._


	6. FIRE! THIEVES! MURMy Lady?

**AN:**

**So I had like a LOT of fun with this chapter. Like beyond a lot of fun with it and the Valar.**

* * *

Thorin buries his head into his hands, not wanting to deal with what is in front of him. He prays to Mahal, which has always felt weird to him, that this is just a trick of the light. That his blind, trouble making, joke cracking, highly flirtatious younger brother is not in front of him. He lifts his head. Nope still there. Who did he anger to curse him with this? Frerin doesn't need his sight to be a thorn in his side not with large puppy dog eyes, the scars around them doing nothing to fight the effect of them, his silver tongue and the fact that everyone seemed to look the other way when he is up to make mischief, mischief that he teaches to his nephews!

"How did you escape Dis?" he groans not sure if he wants to know or if he should be worried that he will have two more tag alongs, where Dis goes Vili follows… always. Frerin gives him a smug smile.

"Vili helped…. unknowingly."

Thorin groans again, unaware of the gobsmacked look on the Burglar's face.

"What happen to _adad!_" Fili asks worriedly, he and his brother had moved to hang off their blond Uncle's shoulders.

"Nothing bad lads, broke his cane as he was pouting about not being able to come with ya. Took a small tumble that had yer _amad_ worried."

Bilbo watches the four interact, a small warm feeling building in his chest. Gandalf clears his throat.

"As touching as this is those trolls could not have moved in daylight."

"There is a troll hoard near by."

"Pleasant! We get to smell rotting flesh and troll shit."

"Frerin!"

"Sorry, sorry lead the way."

Thorin grunts playfully and shakes his head. Frerin of course reacts by sticking out his tongue at his older brother. Following the Wizard they manage to find the cave that the Trolls cave. Thorin narrows his eyes when his brother announces that he is happy to stay outside with the "adorable sounding person who saved them from being eaten by Trolls" and he did not like the look that entered the Burglar's eyes either. Squashing the feeling of possessiveness, for who he did not know, he enters the cave. Being a Dwarf he can feel the stone beneath his feet welcoming him but he can also feel the call of well made weapons, they sing out to him, beg him to look at them and he follows their call to a large vase with multiple swords sticking out of them. With gentle hands he picks one up and it coos to him what it's make named it. _Orcist_, it coos and unaware he speaks and the Wizard answers. He hears the words Elvish and he nearly drops it, ignoring the crying out of the sword.

"You could not ask for a better weapon!"

The sword echoes that yes, yes it will be good, it will best weapon. he almost smiles then and nods his head. Fine he will keep the Elvish sword. He goes to turn around when another sword calls out, it does not want to stay in the dark, please, please don't leave me in the dark! So he grabs it, _Aerandir _it says with a sigh of happiness. It's light and seems to sing when moved, a perfect sword for Frerin. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees the Wizard pick up a letter opener presumably for the Halfling.

Frerin takes Aerandir happily attaching it to his belt with ease and Thorin is surprised when Bilbo takes the letter opener with ease.

"It has been a long time since I've held one of these," the Halfling mutters.

There is the sound of something crashing through the under brush and the Halfling and Frerin are pushed to the middle of the group.

"Thieves! Fire! Murder!" shouts a very dirty and crazy looking Wizard as he slides to a stop. Gandalf seems to know the Wizard because he attempts to talk to him only to be ignored as the Brown Wizard stares at the Halfling.

"My Lady? What on Earth are you doing here!? It's not safe, not safe at all!

"_Well that was unexpected," Manwe says blinking quickly._

"_Who ever expects Aiwendil? He knows his Lady always," Varda says with a grin._

"_Are we not going to talk about how Thorin glares when his brother flirts with Bilbo!?"_

"_And how Bilbo seems completely oblivious to it as he sends looks to Thorin?"_

"_So new bets?"_

"_Mandos?"_

"_Mahal will win of course but I bet that Frerin gets the first kiss by complete accident."_

"_Oh you are on Brother."_

* * *

**AN:**

**Is it bad that I wanna pair Otho up with Frerin and Dis and Vili up with Lobelia and the Dwarrows be like OUR Hobbits yesh and the Valar and Eru be like Oh my goodness too cute... ****This my turn out to be a very sad story if I'm not careful with a very canon ending that will have me in tears**


	7. On A Sled

**AN:**

**I want to thank anyone who has read, favorited, followed and commented on this fic. *huggles babygirl2580 for the review***

* * *

Radagast quivers, his mind racing over everything that he **_has_** to tell Gandalf, to tell Olorin or whatever his dear friend is going by now. But that goes straight out of his mind when he spot his Lady. Oh sure now she isn't in the body of a woman but there is no mistaking the ways the tree lean into her, how the grass reaches up and the glow that surrounds her. How Olorin doesn't see it is beyond him. Of course the Dwarrows surrounding his Lady start to laugh, especially the one with a hat like his.

"I beg your pardon! I am Bilbo Baggins and I am not a Lady!" the Hobbit squeaks, and Radagast smiles glad he is still able to draw that sound from his Lady Yavanna. Then he notices the fierce glower that the very furry Dwarf gives him, so alike to the one that Aule gave him. So at least she.. er he… is not alone.

"Why is it not safe?" Gandalf asks him drawing his sight away from Yav… Bilbo. Oh this is going to get confusing for his poor mind. With trembling hands he drags Gandalf away to talk to him

* * *

Bilbo watches the crazy Wizard walk away. Very fine Wizard indeed if he cannot tell the gender of a Hobbit! It didn't help that the trees were giggling and cooing at the Wizard. It startles him a little bit when the trees begin to whisper the conversation that the two Wizards are saying, giant spiders and a Necromancer.

"_If_ you were a lady you'd be a very gorgeous lady," Frerin speaks behind him startling Bilbo a bit. The Hobbit huffs and crosses his arms.

"If my fine Hobbit. As it is your voice is like the sweetest ale to my ears."

Bilbo blushes but gives the blind Dwarf a look.

"Flirting so soon?"

"Of course. I don't need sight to tell you're a catch."

A wolf howling interrupts the retort Bilbo was going to give. He freezes his blood going cold as the howl brings back memories from darker times. Of howling wolves and screaming Hobbits. Of claws raking down his back and teeth biting his side. Of his father's last war it strikes him that it wasn't a wolves howl but a…

"Wargs," he breathes grabbing his sword. He backs into a sturdy back. It's not Frerin and when he hazards a look he sees it's Thorin. Of course that is when the warg chooses to leap out of the woods. He doesn't think just goes into the pose that he used to defend himself back then and he strikes. Two more wargs are taken down by the Dwarrows. Gandalf begins yelling at Thorin but Bilbo can't hear it. He's trapped in the past, though the screams of Hobbits are joined by the screaming of something else that he can't identify, his hands are shaking. A calloused hand grabs his and then they're off running.

"_He's remembering!"_

"_Oh that isn't good…."_

"_Hey who put down the bet for _**_Galadriel gives Olorin disappointed looks and give cryptic remarks before locking Yavanna and Aule somewhere for a few hours?"_**

"_Who cares about that! They're holding hands! Look at that, they are holding hands!"_

"_Calm down Este."_


	8. A Missive

Rivendell is a beautiful place, or so he's been told. Frerin can't remember, they passed by it once before he lost his sight but now… Now it's a hazy memory much like the sound of his mother's laughter and the sight of his sister's smile. But the ground he stands on sings and the Hobbit beside him mentions something about magic being in the land. He can feel it. The move slowly, Thorin is most likely fuming at being 'tricked' the dunderhead. It feels like forever that they walk, when the finally stop he tilts his head. He hears the delicate snickering that can't be any of the company. It must be an Elf though what he finds so amusing Frerin knows not. Gandalf grows impatient and finally clears his throat.

"Oh! Sorry Mithrandir, I was just reading a very amusing message that we received from Hobbiton."

Bilbo stiffens beside him and it makes him oh so very curious. What could the missive say? Gandalf must be interested too because he asks the very question floating in Frerin's head.

"Oh nothing much, just that a hobbit was snatched from his home under the cover of darkness by a Man and a company of shorter people. They apparently believe that a note that was left was left under distress."

Frerin holds back a chuckle at the groan that Bilbo lets out. Gandalf is spluttering in a very un-Wizard like fashion.

"Snatched? I did not snatch!"

"That is not what the missive says. They are very angry because apparently the hobbit snatched is a favored nephew of the Thain."

"I DID NOT SNATCH HIM!"

The elf is stopped from saying anything by the arrival of even more elves. Oh this is going to be so much fun.


	9. In The Shire Interlude

**AN:**

Lobelia paces around Bag End. Her normally perfectly curled hair in vast disarray. In her hands crumpled and torn is a note. Now normally she didn't show this much anger to a mere piece of paper, she much prefered taking her brella to grabby gentlehobbits who thought that her dissolved marriage to Otho meant they could just touch her if they wanted to, this piece of paper had the unfortunate luck to be the bearer of bad news. Otho is watching her pace, worry is in his brown eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine Belia. Please calm down," Otho tries to soothe.

"Calm down!? You want me to calm down while _Bilbo _is out there with Gandalf. Are we thinking about the same to people? Bilbo is a trouble magnet!"

"Be that as he may, he is also a Baggins."

"A Baggins would have stayed home," Belia snipes with a sniff. Otho rolls his eyes.

"Fine. He is also a Took and Took's can take care of themselves."

"How can you be so calm!?"

"I'm not. I'm fuming. However, Bilbo is the Head of the Baggins family so I can't say too much. The joys of being the child of a younger son," Otho says drily, "Besides you've already written angry letters to both Rivendell _and_ The Blue Mountains."

"You made them less angry."

Before Otho can retort a large black bird appears at the window and pecks at the glass.

"Belia darling, there is a raven at our window."

Lobelia opens the window letting the bird into the smial. It lands on her shoulder and sticks out its leg. Otho approaches slowly and takes the letter from it. A shrill trill of a bird song draws Lobelia's attention away from her ex-husband to see the rook she sent out earlier. It looks decidedly unimpressed with the raven on her shoulder. Behind her, Otho begins to chortle.

"It appears we are not the only ones with errant family. Princess Dis, the sister to one Thorin Oakenshield and likely co-conspirator in spiriting Bilbo away, says that her oldest brother came to the Shire to recruit a burglar-"

Lobelia lets out a squawk of affront on Bilbo's behalf.

"And her other- blind apparently- brother snuck out of the mountain and is wondering if maybe we have seen him. He's blond and has blue eyes."

Lobelia is still smarting over the perceived slight to Bilbo's honor pauses in her ranting.

"I think I heard some of the younger lasses talking about a blond dwarf."

"Then you better write her back. It seems she lacks an Otho to proofread her letters so she may enjoy battling wits."

"Oh, I will battle wits," Lobelia mutters under her breath.

Bilbo takes a deep breath and tries not to scream as the dwarrows around him start to toss food. One would think that princes would have better manners but no! Frerin is throwing food right along with his nephews and Thorin is allowing it! After Gandalf had released his indignation at being called a hobbit snatcher Elrond had ridden up and made a dramatic entrance and now Bilbo is in this hell.

A hand starts to snake toward his salad so without thinking he smacks it with his fork.

"Unlike you, I am enjoying my dinner. Feel free to throw Ori's," he says not looking up from his bowl.

"My apologies, Bilbo," Frerin says and when Bilbo looks up he can see the sincerity in Frerin's face. Of course, that is when someone bumps into Frerin's chair knocking him into Bilbo. Their lips smash together and they both freeze before pulling apart and laughing awkwardly.


End file.
